More Than One Sickness These Days.

As we are (hopefully) aware of by now, the newest swine flu spread is becoming a problem. As my friend Josh, the mildly frustrated pharmacy technician (as well as ten other various titles, as necessary) observed, people seem to be more intimidated by this flu due to an animal name keenly placed before it. This is just a normal strain flu: Don’t wear useless face masks or lick someone who is coughing. Plain and simple.

With Josh getting ready for work (who was inevitably late), we couldn’t avoid the topic.

This conversation was thoroughly edited to make Josh and myself seem more grammatically savvy then we actually are. There is no hope for coolness.

Josh:
I just realized, with the swine flu “getting worse,” there is a good chance that people will be too scared to come into a pharmacy in which sick people will go.

Janelle:
Just pretend you have the flu and they’ll totally run away.
Cough, sneeze, oink a little. They’ll be gone.

Josh:
I should make another animal sound.
No, no! Its alright, its just Gerbil Flu!

Janelle:
Do you know how many parents would traumatize their children with the violent murder of their pet gerbils? It would be a global gerbil genocide.

Josh:
They all go out to buy PVC pipes and hair spray. Load ‘em up!

Janelle:
“He's going to nice farm with other friendly woodland creatures, sweetie.”
Like where Buster the dog went suddenly.

Josh:
*FUMP*
SQUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Janelle:
Does he have a passport?

Josh:
Thus began the great exodus of the gerbils.
They all go to Canada, who says “Screw it, we’ve had enough,” and just shuts down the border.

Janelle:
Steve was wondering about the potatoes.
And they don't like us much, anyway.

Josh:
The gerbils being used in supplement of potato.
But I suppose parents could use guinea pigs.
They don't know the difference between them.

Janelle:
But what if we put both gerbil and potato in together?
We should get a gerbil named potato.

Josh:
Then... the gerbil has an in-flight snack?

Janelle:
The gerbils would over throw the moose population.

Josh:
They start to develop a hive mind and attack in Zerg Rushes...

Janelle:
Do you think they'd making gerbil crossing signs?

Josh:
They get into dominating positions of power and exact their revenge...

Janelle:
Or gerbil launching ranges.

Josh:
This would become a new national sport.
Then we would have gerbil launching prohibitions

Janelle:
The ammunition of future wars.
Can you imagine shooting flu induced gerbils at our enemies?

Josh:
People taking apart their bath tubs for a little pipe work and smuggling in gerbils from the black market. Their all dirty, missing an ear and wearing an eye patch.
They certainly would never see it coming.

Janelle:
And if it didn’t work, their brains would likely implode from attempting to comprehend the overwhelming stupidity.

Josh:
What are they going to do? Launch gerbil seeking cats--who have had the flu shot--to intercept?
We make the gerbils drink nitro glycerin.
They explode in glittery shrapnel.
Why glitter? Because Private Jimmy got bored after arts and crafts one day...

No gerbils were harmed in this highly theoretical discussion... nor will they ever be.